I apologize


I apologize if I overstepped my bound.

I apologize if I “tell it like it is.”

I apologize I am me and not someone else.

I apologize if you think I am high when in reality I am happy.

I apologize if you think I did something that I did not do.

I apologize if I am not the perfect entity.

I apologize if I do not look like you wish I would look.

I apologize if I talk too much when all you wanted was silence.

I apologize that I forgot to pick up bread on the way home.

I apologize if I complain about the temperature in your apartment.

I apologize if I have a dream and want to “go for it.”

I apologize that I am not the mom you think I should be.

I apologize if I messed up dinner and had to order pizza.

I apologize that I hurt you.

I apologize that you will not take my apology.

I apologize if I make a big deal out of nothing.

I apologize if I work “too hard.”

I apologize if I do not put you first enough.

I apologize.

Why do we apologize for every little think that we do in life? Am I so much of a screw-up that I need to apologize for everything? Why do I care so much?

I honestly don’t care that much if I screw up, I care what you think of me when I do. Why do I care? The consequences. We all do things because of what outcome will happen after we speak or do something. What is our innermost thoughts about it? I don’t know, I am not a psychiatrist or a neurologist. I know that not always what I speak or do was fully thought out  before it happened. I know, we are told from the beginning to think before we act. Honestly, I don’t believe that even works for me, it is somehow broken. I don’t know, maybe my many psychiatric ailments are the cause, or maybe I am just losing my mind completely. I am tired. Tired of apologizing in some ways. In other ways I am tired of hurting the people that I care about. I care about people quite a bit. I care very easily. I care about some people on Twitter and Facebook, I care about the people that read my blogs, I care about my daughter, and I care about my friends. I wish for a day that I can be myself and not hurt anyone and not say the wrong thing. I wish for a day I am not the person that I am built to be sometimes. Sometimes I wish people would care less about what other people do and say. See, I apologize for that too.

Amyt

 

 

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