almost 4pm Thursday before Christmas
I am messing everything up today. I got into it with three (non family) people today and I didn’t even leave the house. I need sleep, and I finally feel able to sleep no. I will sleep tonight… I hope
6am Thursday before Christmas
What better time to blog about insomnia than when I have insomnia? The answer is probably: when I am thinking clearly.
It started Friday night last week, I wasn’t tired. I thought one night without sleep wouldn’t kill me. By Sunday afternoon I was so sick to my stomach and in so much pain that all I could do was lie in my bed and trying to keep from screaming. I went Fri. Sat. and Sun. getting 7hrs sleep by Monday. Since Monday I had one night with more than 3 hours of sleep. So, today marked the one week anniversary of not getting enough sleep. Yesterday after a night with two hours or so of sleep, I felt perfectly fine. Actually I was better than fine. It dawned on me at some point that I had begun mania. I couldn’t stop talking and typing and multitasking. Now, I feel less manic and more physically exhausted, and it is only 6am. But, the fun part has only begun!
Hayley is spending the day here today, going home this evening and coming back tomorrow and staying until Saturday night. Basically this means I have about 24 hrs to finish the Christmas preparations because her Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with me will all be 24 hrs early because her daddy has the Christmas Day holiday this year according to the custody agreement.
I am not sure this morning if I can get it all done and tolerate Hayley’s way of starting every single sentence and question with “mommy.” I am beginning to get irritated just at the sound of that word.
So, lately insomnia has the side effects of:
Irritability, nausea, vomiting, pain in joints, more pain in joints, make major mistakes, inability to judge distances (causing me to almost get rundown by a car), hallucinations, sudden drooping of eyelids that looks like the lights are flickering, increased paranoia, panic attacks,and a tendency to go into a rage for no reason. So no, I am not staying up because I want to. I am not being given a choice!
I get very irritated with everyone when I am sleep deprived, but my mother really remains clueless and makes me mad. She is bipolar yet does not feel empathy over my situation. After doing one load of laundry on Monday she “asked” me to make dinner. I couldn’t even walk without serious trouble, and SHE is tired?!!?!? *deep breathe* let it go…
The explanation for the title? I live on the couch. I sit there all day (unless Hayley is here) by myself and sleep there the majority of the time. (my bedroom gives me nightmares…)
The answer? I was thinking of calling doctor and giving in to her starting me back on seroquel. I hated it, but at least I slept!
Right now the fog is beginning to settle in my brain and things are going wrong. I will end this and edit it later before sending it out…
8:04am I remember to put in pic (and tell story behind it)
My Twitter and blogging buddy Sara gave me this because it reminded her of me. This happened the other day, I tried like never before to sleep until 3am or so. I threw up my hands and said the famous words, “fuck it.” I laid down to watch some television and was out like a light. That’s why this is me: (Kindda looks like me actually…)