Apartment Full of Bipolars: Christmas story…

It’s not a humor post, not a scary post, and not a post about bipolar disorder. This post is about my seriously funny. scary, exhaust, overall pretty good Christmas…

Dear Twitter Friends: Thank you for literally being the people who saved my life. Your love, support, and acceptance is very rare and is a blessing.

(Due to the way my brain malfunctions I kept notes as much as possible. Actual notes are in italics.)

Dec.29 is the day I’m typing in the extras in bold.

6:50pm Dec. 23

Christmas Eve will be starting in 10 minutes when Hayley gets here!!

(Custody arrangement ordered Santa to show up here a full 24 hours early)


Hayley arrives

Put presents from Nana and Mommy to Hayley under the tree. 

Explain rules of tonight such as 9pm bedtime and not touching presents in the morning until everyone is awake.

(And threaten to ship presents back to Santa if she does open them before everyone is awake.)

Watch Santa video message, Hayley gets wide-eyed about Santa knowing all those things about her.

(Google did all the technical work.)

Missing one mug for hot chocolate. Spill. Taste, nasty very itchy.

(I has planned a nice cup of hot chocolate with my kid on “Christmas Eve” in matching Christmas mugs. But, I lose one mug, then I spilled hot chocolate mix all over the kitchen and the hot chocolate was disgusting. Don’t ask me what itchy meant, because I’m confused too.)

Resort to Twas the Night Before Christmas book on computer. Fail.

(After two pages she started to “wander”)

She opens her traditional one Christmas Eve present. Her expression at the $30 Barbie with a kitchen is as if she just received a rock collection.

(It’s true, she was less than thrilled. Eventually she liked it.)

We go in the bedroom to wrap Nana’s presents.

(I find out that in the big envelope is the wrong present for my mom, I go out and explain this to her while Hayley is wrapping her gift to Nana. I feel dumb as hell.)

I lose my temper on Hayley. Not only yelling but also say some really mean things. I regret it as soon as it comes out of my mouth. I’ve really hurt her feelings. try to calm her down but I can’t make her forget what I said. Feel like shit now

Hayley bugs me to get barbie out of the packaging. I struggle for a moment and tell her I will do it in the morning since it’s already 15 min til 9. she immediately goes to bed

she comes in several times with lame excuses. on her fourth entrance I give up and turn on Spongebob

I fall asleep through Spongebob

(At this point I was running on no sleep in a week!)

struggle to stay awake, fail

wake up ten minutes later and pull my ass off the couch

10:45pm the living room looks so christmasy! I took a picture for memories

11pm still up on twitter and only slightly sleepy

racing thoughts cause more anger and i become miserable again.

I go to Twitter for help with bad thoughts and Twitter acts up… resort to phone with bf

12:12am December 24- plans consist of opening presents and dressing up for a nice dinner of Yankee Pot Roast (a tradition in my family)

4:30am I got about three and a half hours of sleep before Hayley woke me up. She loves all her presents but she did complain a couple of  times that Santa forgot something.

Twas the day before Christmas

7am Hayley is playing with the new toys, but also quickly breaks the most expensive one… I need to get her in her new xmas outfit.

I try to give myself a repeating positive pep talk and manage to get by without flipping out (not at her anyway) I think next time I may fail at control and lose it. But I did calm down enough to get the Super Glue and fix the stupid toy…

When Hayley asks why santa didn’t bring mommy anything I stop and think about it. When I bring up the digital camera that I didn’t get for Christmas my mom asks why I don’t use her disposable film camera. she’ll never understand

8:50am Hayley starts bitching about specifics. Says she is bored… I ask her to clean up and repeat and repeat and I am going to blow up !!!!

I lie down and fall asleep for a few hours, when I wake up I am amazed. Hayley ate a huge breakfast and behaved 100% for my mom and I slept through the whole thing on the couch in the middle of it all!

about 12:40pm Norad tells me where santa is

Me: Look Hayley, Santa is over Mt. Everest!

Hayley: zoom in so I can see the rocks shaped like people!

me: honey, that’s Mt. Rushmore…

great pot roast dinner!! tho hayley went to bed halfway thru it out of total exhaustion.

2:45pm running to kroger for dessert we forgot to get… i must be suicidal…lol

that was harsh… 4:10pm police are on their way: Gun pointed at me in complex, pellet or not it’s illegal apparently.

hayley frightened, but I got her to play a little instead of hide in the corner. her daddy is going to LOVE this (sarcasm)

8:20pm Hayley went home a few hours earlier than planned. I cried. After a few minutes mom and I fought. Everything feels like it’s worse than it probably is. I want off this roller coaster.

Quote of the day: “What does F-U-C-K mean?” In reference to her looking over my shoulder and “Fuck Xmas” is tweeted. I just cracked up severely.

(Oh, and Christmas Day? Quiet, peaceful, and very very sleepy. There were no plans anyway. And btw, my Apartment full of bipolars will erupt again very very soon since Hayley will be here in a few hours…)

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