My Reality- bipolar type 1 w/ psychotic features

First of all, “psychotic features,” does not mean that I am “psycho” or a serial killer. It refers to the psychosis experienced in my mood swings. I am clarifying that for the general public, and it makes me feel better.

There is often the question, “Are you bipolar 1 or 2?” Neither, I have bipolar disorder 1 with psychotic features. Well, most of the time. (Everyone knows how doctors like to change their diagnosis as often as the wind changes directions.

Bipolar disorder with psychotic features often presents itself during the manic phase of bipolar 1.

The many variations of the psychotic features can be seen here. NIMH article. I suffer from catatonia, hallucinations and delusions when my mania peaks. I usually am unsure that these things are not real. Sometimes I know it’s a hallucination but that doesn’t make it stop.

This also doesn’t stop me from getting the same symptoms when I am suffering from the depression dip of the roller coaster. But honestly, who says bipolar disorder is boring?

Schizoaffective disorder and bipolar type 1 with psychotic features are two very different creatures.

This was very confusing for me as schizoaffective disorder is schizophrenia mixed with a mood disorder, so it sounds similar. But schizophrenia is far different from psychotic features. I know, it’s confusing to me too.

This is not meant as an excuse, merely an explanation. The past week I have been suffering from severe delusions that I believe I pulled many people into. I am sorry for that.  If I think it’s real and tell people on the internet what’s going on, often they believe that is what really is going on. I am sorry for that.

I have come back to Earth, terra firma, and am… ok, I am sort of back on dry land. I am still hallucinating but I am thinking a lot more clearly. I miss the days when I had delusions of gradeur, at least then people knew I was not high functioning.

So, please ignore anything I said or did over the past several days. I have no idea when it started.

all my love,



5 thoughts on “My Reality- bipolar type 1 w/ psychotic features”

  1. My heart goes out to you. I am sorry that you have to deal with these things, but to blog about it is genius. Do you know how many people could help to understand the frustration and particular problems that mental illness causes its sufferers and those around them? Please continue writing and sharing your experiences and your coping strategies, and especially your journey to feeling better! I find this to be very selfless and a potential for enlightening so many to one’s sincere desire to function and thrive. God bless.

  2. I’m BP1 with psychotic features too. It’s frustrating for me because I think people (ie. my new husband) just think I’m a bad person when I’m psychotic instead of a sick person. No matter how many times I explain that I was “not myself” at the time and that next time I display those mannerisms, etc. they should remember that and cut me some slack – they just never seem to get it and turn their backs on me when I need them most.

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