Apartment Full of Bipolars- my oops


Since this was becoming a long-winded post I decided to cut it off at 5am Saturday morning. Hayley won’t actually go home for another 18 hours, so there may be another one.

Once again I have been plagued with insomnia, finally Thursday night I got nine hours of sleep. Wasn’t enough to completely make me better, but it was an improvement.

The day went well, if you don’t count all the times my mom yelled at me when I would start picking at the scabs on my face without even realizing it. She startled me every time. I got cleaning done pretty well today. I couldn’t do as much as I wanted to because my neck and back have been killing me for a couple days from not lying down and resting (aka sleep).

It suddenly was that time. The time to walk over to the daycare and pick her up for what she calls, “our sleepover!” My legs started giving out on me before I even got past the building. I went home because I was afraid of falling if I continued. I called my ex-husband’s dad and asked if he would be so kind as to pick her up and drop her off here on his way home from work. He said he was happy to do it.

Hayley was so well behaved. All these expensive toys and she spent hours playing with some change. She was making “roads” out of it, all different shapes of them. My mom was calmly watching her Hallmark movie or something. I was on my computer or playing with Hayley or watching television.

At 6pm I thought it was about time that I started dinner. My mom had never cut up the onion like she said she would, so I got out the cutting board and chef’s knife for the onion. I tried a sawing motion and couldn’t get it to cut. So I tried the chopping method. I missed and instead nearly chopped off the tip of my left index finger. I panicked immediately, screaming, “Oh my God! Oh my God!” over and over. My mother rushed into the kitchen, which she now states that she did because I have a bad history of getting hurt in the kitchen. My daughter yelled, “Mommy, would you please be quiet?!” I thought that was funny later.

My mother came out to the kitchen where I was holding a wet dish towel to my finger to stop from getting blood everywhere. Once she saw what I did she called 911. My mother actually did cut the tip of the same finger off when she was about my age, she also did it cutting an onion.

Hayley became curious as to why I was yelling at my mother not to call 911 because I didn’t want to go to the hospital, so she came out in the kitchen. I told her that if I go to the emergency room then I will have to call her Grandpa and have him come get her because my mother, Nana, can’t do it alone yet. Hayley went into a hysterical crying fit. She just kept saying that she wants her Mommy. I tried to comfort her but it didn’t do much.

The medics came as slowly as possible and came into the hallway where I was at the time. They took a look at it and said they wanted to take me to the emergency room so a doctor  could look at it. They said it looked like it needed one or two stitches. I reluctantly said goodbye and went in the ambulance.

Once they put me in the waiting room I decided that I really didn’t want to be there, I wanted to be home with my daughter. I called my ex husband’s dad and since he was headed over to pick Hayley up, he was in the neighborhood of the hospital (which is only 2 miles from my  place)

When I walked through the door of the apartment I was greeted with smiles and hugs and my mother said several time how surprised she was.

We finally were able to eat dinner a little before 8pm. Luckily mom was feeling up to fixing dinner because I didn’t want to touch a knife tonight, or ever again for that matter. During dinner preperations Hayley said, “Mommy, stay in that seat. Stay right there. I don’t want you to get hurt again.” Yes ma’am.

Everything went calm with a tea party and some much needed cuddle time. At 10pm I told Hayley it was 10pm and that means it is time for bed. She hugged Nana goodnight and I went and tucked her in. Miracle of miracles, she went to sleep without getting up and getting me even once. I was so relieved and relaxed for a while. I did try to sleep but my finger was throbbing and aching like it was about to fall off and my neighbor upstairs had their bedroom television cranked up. (The teenager sleeps with it like that and it sounds like a dying clarinet, I don’t know why.)

I was watching a little television and praising myself for getting her to bed with no battles for once. Suddenly around 2:30am I noticed the bathroom light was on. I went down the hall thinking that I must have forgotten to shut it off last time I was in there. Instead, there was a Hayley in the bathroom. She said, “Mommy I got up because I got bored waiting for you.” She was out cold and snoring for over four hours but didn’t seem to realize it yet, still foggy from sleep. I left her to her privacy and she came out a few minutes later and curled up on the couch. I shut everything off and took her to bed and stayed with her until she was snoring again. She was up maybe an hour. I was lying there with the strange noise upstairs, my daughter snoring in my ear, my finger hurting like hell, and Hayley was half laying on top of me so I couldn’t move. Let’s just say that I don’t deal with boredom well and trying to sleep for a third time would only make me more agitated.

Maybe another hour or so passed and Hayley finally rolled off of me and I made my escape. She was totally out cold, I was very very quiet, and yet ten minutes after I get out of the bedroom and she comes out upset that I wasn’t there. Seriously? Am I supposed to lie in bed wide awake the entire time she sleeps? This time I gave her a hug and told her to go back to bed. Now. This was answered with tears, which made me feel awful, but she did go back to sleep.

Well, I thought the bedtime battles were over. I was half right. Oh well, try again next time.

Nobody is perfect, and I am a great example!

Love,

Amy

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