I felt a need to blog after the event that just happened. My heart is hurting and I need to express my feelings because I know that there are others in this world that are experiencing the same pain as we speak.
My ex-husband chatted with me for half an hour as he drove from his work to my apartment to pick up our daughter from her visit this weekend. He told me about the two tattoos that he was looking forward to getting in the next week. When he got here he showed me a picture of one of the tattoos he will be getting. I was truly not prepared for what I was about to see.
The paper had text surrounded by angel wings. The text read:
Although we never met, you will always be in my heart.
This was clearly an acknowledgment to the angel that my ex-husband and I lost four years ago.
I told him that I loved it as I held back tears. This is exactly the kind of tattoo I would get. I have lost two babies, one was before my ex-husband.
When I closed the door I broke into tears which only confused my mother. I tried to explain, but she no longer understands. She doesn’t remember these events and never will again.
I am left with thoughts of the two angels that I have lost. I always miss them, but this brought them to the front of my mind dearly. I hurt. I feel silly for some reason grieving about souls that I never really met. I don’t think it’s silly really, honestly I think it is my largest pain.
I am only days from turning 30. This fact has always been plagued by the fact that there should have been three children and not one. Also by the fact that I have had a hysterectomy several years ago. Actually only weeks after we lost our angel.
I miss them with all my heart. It makes a huge difference that my ex-husband feels the same about our lost angel. Honestly we were never able to talk about it before we separated. I never knew how he felt until now. Now I know.