There is a good reason behind the reason I named my blog this. It is much more relevant these recent days. Here is a VERY honest example:
Warning: Some items in this post may disturb some people. Also, if you feel the need to JUDGE ME for anything in this post, keep your mouth shut and look yourself in the mirror.
An example of a day in my life four years ago:
6am: Wake up, start breakfast for husband and daughter and self, see daughter off to daycare and husband off to work
7am-4pm: Dress, clean house (yes, a whole big house with five people living in it), visit with family and friends, make dinner
5pm-9pm: Welcome husband and daughter and rest of family home, clean up after dinner, socialize with games and television and get to bed early.
An example of a day in my life two months ago:
3am: Wake up in the same clothes I have been wearing for a week and in a house where I can’t quickly remember who may live there or even where it is located. Or wake up at a bus stop or under a bridge. Waking up anywhere and I am very dopesick and very dirty.
5am: Begin calling dopeman to see if he will give me a “wakeup” so that I can get around to make money to pay him for that and maybe more later on.
6am-12pm: Honest work cleaning up after a construction crew for $8 an hour ( very unreliable schedule )
12pm-8pm: Not so honest work: Lie, cheat, steal, trick, scrap, anything for money to get enough dope to keep from being sick and maybe a few extra bucks for beer, cigarettes, and sometimes a little food.
8pm-12am: Doing anything and everything to find a place to sleep for a few hours, trying deperately to stay out of the cold.
12am-3am: try to sleep. fail. start over…
An example of my day today:
5am: Wake up, make coffee, work on an article and blogpost, hop in the shower
7am: Head to the grocery store to buy some baking supplies and some supplies to fix dinner.
9am: AA meeting and brunch with my sponsor
1pm: spending some time on my school’s website and socializing on the internet making contacts.
3pm: begin baking and begin dinner
4pm: eat dinner and clean up
5pm-7pm: workout at the gym until my cell phone dies from playing music so much
7pm-8pm: Post-workout nap
8pm: socializing over football with my dad and talking on the phone to some friends in recovery
See how my life is always changing like the directions of the wind? Yes, it’s not easy. But I am taking each bad fall in life as a lesson so I do not make the same mistakes. Now I have six weeks clean and I refuse to turn into that person that I turned into for over a year. I was killing myself. I’ve done it so many times before. But as they say: There is NOTHING so bad that dope and alcohol CAN AND WILL MAKE WORSE. I have to remember that these days. I am not my past, I am my present and my future. I can only learn from the mistakes I have made. I am not ashamed to say at this point that I stole, lied, cheated, and sold my body to the the money to get and stay high. I am not ashamed to say that because I am not that person anymore. Honestly, I never WAS that person. That was the drugs. I would never do those kinds of things if I am in my right mind. Today and from now on I am in my right mind. As long as I don’t put that first one in me, I will be okay.
Thank you for listening and I appreciate the lack of judgement for this. This was not an easy post to write and pushing that publish button will be even harder. Please appreciate that fact.