I’m having serious trouble with this holiday season. Only three years ago I was celebrating with my daughter and my mom. Two years ago I had moved and spent the holidays with my dad. Last year I didn’t see my daughter either but I was able to sit at my dying mother’s bedside and watch Christmas Story. I am going to be 100% alone this Christmas.
Excuse me for feeling sorry for myself but this has me seriously messed up. My moods are bouncing after a month of true stability, my body is trembling, and worse of all with four people in the apartment above me, is that even the tiniest thing is causing me to jump and go into a panic attack. Until January I am caught in the flux of having no psychiatrist, therapist, or internist.
My daughter is coming for two days on December 20 before Christmas so she and I can celebrate an early Christmas and a belated birthday. I should be happy. The cleaning, shopping and planning is done, no pressure right? Then what the hell is my problem?
I am lost, confused, and feeling totally alone.. maybe I can find a church service that night and try to be grateful for what I have.