A Bipolar Holiday

I’m having serious trouble with this holiday season. Only three years ago I was celebrating with my daughter and my mom. Two years ago I had moved and spent the holidays with my dad. Last year I didn’t see my daughter either but I was able to sit at my dying mother’s bedside and watch Christmas Story. I am going to be 100% alone this Christmas.

Excuse me for feeling sorry for myself but this has me seriously messed up. My moods are bouncing after a month of true stability, my body is trembling, and worse of all with four people in the apartment above me, is that even the tiniest thing is causing me to jump and go into a panic attack. Until January I am caught in the flux of having no psychiatrist, therapist, or internist.

My daughter is coming for two days on December 20 before Christmas so she and I can celebrate an early Christmas and a belated birthday. I should be happy. The cleaning, shopping and planning is done, no pressure right? Then what the hell is my problem?

I am lost, confused, and feeling totally alone.. maybe I can find a church service that night and try to be grateful for what I have.


4 thoughts on “A Bipolar Holiday”

  1. I’ve been wondering lately if a church who had a ministry for mentally ill people would benefit those of us who don’t have the support we need. Wouldn’t it be nice to have Christmas dinner with your church ministry group or someone who’s a part of it? Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone help you navigate the system? Support you at all times? It’s just an idea right now, but would you be a part of it if it were available at a local church?

    My mom died this year also. Both my kids moved far away. It’s a tough Christmas. I’m broke and trying to find work. I know what you’re going through. Keep writing. It helps.

    1. I found a church run by a recovering addict of 26 yrs and he runs a Hurts, Habits, and Hangups group for addicts and mentally ill. We meet and have dinner every Friday and he makes sure the doors are open and ovens going for every Holiday. Unfortuntely I have no way to get to the church anymore. The HHH groups I have heard exist more than we think. I personally like your idea even better.
      I don’t know what I will do yet. I’m sorry you are in a similar situation, I wouldn’t wish the way I feel on my worst enemy. Take care

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